Tuesday, August 8, 2023

The Wedding Night - Abu Dhabi





Wedding Tent - Abu Dhabi

I stepped out of the yellow Al Ghazal taxi at the large, ultra white Wedding Tent on Airport Road in Abu Dhabi on an exceedingly hot and humid April evening at about 9:30 pm.  It felt so strange to be all dressed up on a Monday night to attend a wedding reception without my husband as my escort.  

But, because weddings are segregated affairs in the United Arab Emirates, he wouldn’t have been able to accompany me anyway.  Haifa, one of my ESL students, had invited me to her cousin Nourah’s wedding party. 

I’m dressed in a long evening gown along with about 400 Emirati women also elegantly dressed like they are going to the Met Gala in New York City! 

Thursday night is the preferred time to have your wedding in the Middle East because it is the eve of the Friday sermon at the mosque.  The Wedding Tent must have been booked for Thursday, because here we are attending on a Monday night. 


Entrance to Wedding Tent, Abu Dhabi
    I wore a fabulous, glittering, crimson red, body hugging, sleeveless floor length dress with a beautiful matching scarf.  

    Large gold earrings adorned my ears and heavy gold bracelets on my wrist.

 


I walked in a pair of ultra glamorous, bronze four-inch heels.  An ivory beaded bag with a gold chain completed my outfit.  

My short hair was brushed off my face and my makeup was perfect.  I was ready for the wedding extravaganza!




Wedding Tent, Abu Dhabi


As I exited the taxi, I could hear the party was in full swing.  The Wedding Tent was practically bursting at the seams with loud, pulsating music and clapping.  I heard laughter and joyful sounds coming from the women as I walked through the door.  

About 400 friends and family members, all female, of the bride and groom were already at the event and having a great time!  The all white Wedding Tent was a permanent structure which looked like several enormous circus tents complete with pointed tops, ropes and poles.  This is a typical wedding venue all over the Middle East.    

The men and women were separated, of course.  The men were on one side of the wedding tent and the women on the other.  

Several fragrances delighted my sense of smell.  The aromas of exotic oils, perfumes, incense and delicious food floated through the air. 


What an incredible sensory barrage!  Sights, sounds, and smells like nothing I have ever experienced.  The women looked amazing!  

Incredibly beautiful floor length gowns and more gold jewelry than the Gold Souk!  

All  makeup looked as though it had been done professionally and everyone had their hair lavishly done up or elegantly cascading down their shoulders and backs.  

What a spectacle it was!  I felt like I had walked into the Arabian Nights. 

Never had I seen such beaded, sequined, colorful floor length gowns with pearls, fringe, strapless, low backs, terrific cleavage producing dresses, incredible shoes, handbags to die for and hair accessories…  Fabrics ranged from silk to satin and everything in between. 




But, the jewelry – Saudi Gaudi...  

This is a term I created to describe the over-the-top jewelry the women bought and wore on special occasions.  Intricate dangling earrings, exquisitely large gold and precious gem necklaces, diamond bracelets and more rings than I’ve ever seen. 
                                                       

 
         
  


Normally, you would never see any of this jewelry displayed in public because women must wear their black, floor length abayas to cover their bodies head-to-toe and sheylas to cover their hair.  They are also partially or totally veiled while in public, therefore their beautifully made-up faces don’t show.  So, no jewelry is ever displayed, except for a wristwatch.  Also, wedding bands are generally not worn.



Back to the wedding party!  What fun these ladies were having!  They were all talking at once, laughing, and just having a great time visiting with each other.  

Haifa introduced me to her family and friends where I was warmly greeted and given kisses on both of my cheeks.  

We communicated even though many of them did not speak English.  I spoke a few phrases in Arabic expressing my joy at being at the wedding.  Lots of smiles and nodding all around as I complimented several women on their evening gowns and jewelry.  

But, words were not even necessary to show my admiration.  A genuine smile is the 'Universal Language'.    

Dinner was served around 10:30 pm.  What a feast!  We sat at large round tables with seating for 10 ladies.  At the beginning of the banquet, the female wait staff brought out a sampling of various olives, pickles, a platter of unsliced tomatoes, lemon and cucumbers, along with the hummus and flat bread.  I could have made a meal of that, but I did enjoy the meat and vegetable dishes. 


Interior of Wedding Tent

 The waiters then served a dinner of various dishes, large trays of meat and vegetables, in communal bowls.  Food was placed in the center of the table and everyone began eating.  

No utensils were used!  Yes, I said that there were no utensils.  I asked for a knife and fork from the servers which is quite acceptable for a Westerner.  My utensils were quickly handed to me.  

All of the Emirati ladies ate with her right hand using the flat Arabic bread as a scoop or utensil and no one made a mess of anything.  They have had lots of practice and not one morsel was dropped on their dresses.  We had hummus, tabouleh, mixed grills, vegetable dishes, lamb, chicken, beef, flat bread, potatoes, and more.  So incredibly delicious! 


The Wedding Singer

The Wedding Singer

During our meal, an extraordinarily sexy, voluptuous, exotic Lebanese woman sang and danced on the catwalk of the bridal dais.  Then she gyrated her way around all of the dinner tables throughout the room.  Her outfit was right out of a Las Vegas revue.  

She wore a tightly fitted black and gold sequined floor length dress which was cut very low across the bodice with more fringe and beads than I’ve ever seen.  Her long skirt was slit up both sides showing great legs and 5-inch spiked heels.  Don’t know how she danced and moved in those heels, but she did a great job! 

What a voice!  She sang with an Arabic sound track and she just made you want to get up and dance!  Actually, several women in the room did get up to dance.  They danced with each other or by themselves while singing along with the music they knew so well.  Sound familiar?     

The Lebanese singer could really strut her stuff, as well as sing!  She whipped her hips around and the fringe went flying.  She strutted in her heels.  She flipped her long mane of ebony hair from side to side. She moved like a belly dancer or a stripper.  I only wish I could move like that and had the body to go along with it! 

As the evening went on, I witnessed something very weird and wonderful, something I had never seen or heard before.  There were some extremely old matriarchs dressed in the traditional Middle Eastern black abayas who had an unusual throaty, guttural sound that they sang out.  These wise, weathered women closed their eyes, opened their mouths and animal-like sounds came out.  Sort of like a ‘warbling’ sound, but very tribal and earthy.  



These women were almost scary in their concentration as they swayed, danced and warbled.  One woman would whoop and then across the room another of the female matriarchs would answer with her distinct, expressive sound.  

It was incredibly rhythmic, utterly emotional and quite sensual.  The sounds came from deep within their souls.  I felt it penetrate my body, go through me, and straight to my soul too. 

I wondered what the chanting meant and why they did it.  A rite of passage, perhaps.  A welcome to the virgin bride’s wedding night, to womanhood and to the life of matrimony.  

I had made some of the same sounds during childbirth, but I wasn’t having nearly as much fun as these women. 

As we were eating, whispers raced through the crowd.  All of the sudden, there was a sound like a flock of birds flapping their wings and taking flight.  Whirring, swishing noises, the sound of material swirling, then the room went silent.  No more singing and no more talking.  

There was a sea of black everywhere I looked as the Emirati women quickly put on their abayas, sheylas and veils over their fancy evening dresses covering their bodies, hair and faces.  What was happening? 

Then more whispers throughout the wedding tent letting us know that the groom would soon be entering with his father and brothers to have photographs taken with the bride on the large dais in the middle of the room.  This was an unusual occurrence because ALL wedding celebrations are segregated and wedding photos are rare.  Men are never allowed in the women’s side of the reception.   

Eventually, the groom, his brothers and father walked in wearing the men’s national dress in the Gulf region which is the pure white, pristinely ironed, floor length Dishdasha or Khandoura with their Ghutras covering their heads.  The Ghutra is a white head cloth with a twisted black, rope like coil wrapped around it.  Under the headdress is a skull cap call a Gafia.  Handsome and elegant!





The men looked straight ahead.  No eye contact was made.  The room was stone silent.  Everyone stopped eating to watch the procession.  The groom entered the hall first, followed by his father and brothers.  They walked straight to the bridal dais which looked like a Paris fashion runway but in a T-shape and made of Plexiglas.  It was about three feet off the floor with steps up each side.  


The men walked up on the dais posing for photographs with the bride who was seated on a curved lounge or fainting sofa in the center of the dais. 

 There were flowers and greenery on the pergola above with lovely blossoms hanging down. 






Hundreds of flashes went off for about 10 minutes as everyone recorded the moment when the groom saw his bride in her exquisite wedding gown.  Photos were taken again and again.  

This is out of the norm also, because photos of people are rarely taken.  After the photo opportunity, the men left the tent and the singing and dancing started up again.

Dancing, singing, whooping…  The noise level was deafening.  Everyone at the party went up the dais stairs to congratulate, kiss and hug the bride who received hundreds of well wishes very graciously.  She was young and lovely.  

Her pure white bridal gown was strapless with a full hooped skirt of white tulle and satin bodice.  She wore a diamond necklace and tear drop shaped earrings given to her by her husband.  Her makeup was as perfect as her hair.  She looked like a princess at a ball.  Happiness sparkled in her eyes as she celebrated with her family and friends at the wedding party.  


Ayala or Stick Dance 


Dance with Sticks - Ayala

I only hope that her husband and his friends had half as much fun on the other side of the wall with all of the men!!!  

What do men do at a wedding reception with only other men?

They dance what is generally known as the Ayala or 'stick dance'.  This traditional, fascinating UAE folk dance is accompanied by drumming and performed by two rows of dancers facing one anther.  

Dancers are positioned close together in rows, signifying the unity and cooperation among tribal people.  The dance is usually performed at top events, national ceremonies and weddings in the UAE.  


Patchi Wedding Chocolates




But there was still more to partake in at the party.  Desserts, aromatic oils, incense and more dancing.  

After the food was cleared from the tables, women came around with enormous trays of dates and chocolates.  There must have been 25 different kinds of dates to choose from.  



Then, the chocolates were passed by the servers.  Again, dark chocolates, light chocolates, Godiva, Patchi, chocolates of every shape, size and color with exotic flavors. 

 Many were wrapped individually, so we were encouraged to take several pieces home with us in our handbags, which I did and shared with my husband. 


Tea and dates were served at each table in elegant glasses and on silver trays. 

Yet, the dancing and singing continued!  The Lebanese singer had quite the repertoire!    

 


Coffee was also served along with the dates and chocolates.  Huge urns were placed on the tables along with tea bags, sugar cubes and small cups. 

 Traditional Arabic coffee (Kahwa) is served black without sugar in small cups about the size of a soft boiled egg cup. 

The local coffee is mild with a distinctive taste of cardamom and saffron.  It is served with dates to sweeten the palate between sips.  It is considered polite to drink about three cups of the coffee.



After the fabulous desserts, women began to walk around with crystal bottles with long stoppers to put aromatic Oud oil on everyone.  A beautiful older woman with exquisite dark eyes outlined in kohl stopped at our table and began dabbing oil on all of us.  

She indicated that I should extend my arm so she could run the stopper up and down my arm.  She also dabbed some oil on my neck and scarf.  




The aroma of Oud was like nothing I’ve ever smelled. 

 Woodsy, patchouli-like, a deep fragrance which would last about two weeks on my skin.  

It was so amazing that it didn’t wear off for those two weeks.  I loved the aroma and would have bought some of the Oud.  

However, this particular essence of oil was about 3,000 dirhams per ounce.  That’s a lot of money, either in dollars ($816) or in dirhams!  

The wedding celebration still wasn’t over!  Incense wafted through the room.  I looked up and saw another Emirati woman carrying a medium sized incense burner leaving a trail of smoke.  She was stopping and wafting the incense smoke into the women’s long hair and under the floor length gowns.  Everyone laughed with me because I had such short hair and there was no way to waft the aroma in my hair.  



So, she lifted my floor length dress and had me stand over the incense burner!  The smoke certainly flowed upward and into my clothes and body!  



I smelled better at the end of the evening than I had at the beginning of the wedding.  Just lovely… 






It was about 1:30 am on Tuesday morning and I had experienced so much in the last four hours at the wedding reception.  New people, new customs, new aromas, food, fragrances…  It was the most fun I had had in a long time. 

Before the wedding, I asked Haifa about taking a wedding gift for the couple.  She answered that no gifts would be received at this reception.  Wedding gifts could be sent or taken to the groom’s home, which I did.

A wedding in the Middle East is a time for enormous celebration!  It takes place over about three days to one week in which time the marriage contract is signed.  As soon as the bride accepts the offer of marriage, the plans begin.  She prepares for her wedding for months in advance. 



Then, if the bride works full-time, she will take about two months off from her job to be fitted for her gown, have her hair oiled, have henna painted on her arms, hands, legs and feet.  

She will also visit with family who arrive weeks in advance and spend more time with her fiancĂ©, chaperoned, of course. 

 The wedding day for a woman is the biggest event in her life, other than having children. 

Typically, around 2:00 am, the bride and groom leave separately for the groom’s home to continue the celebration with his family.  This is also where the marriage is consummated – under the roof of the bride’s mother-in-law and father-in-law’s villa.  

Why?  Because the newlyweds will live with his family for several months or years until they find a home of their own and can afford to live apart from his family. 



Most marriages are arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. 




 Now, you’re asking what if the girl doesn’t like the young man and doesn’t want to marry him after her parents have selected him.  

The young woman can decline the offer, but after two or three times of saying ‘no’, then she most likely will not be asked for her hand again in marriage.  

The girls marry quite young, often at 16, 17 or 18 years of age.  The young men are typically about 18 or older.  The more education the young people have, the later they marry.  

Most young people are married by the time they are 20 years old.  Time to have children!


It was an exquisite wedding celebration and a very happy occasion!  I felt so fortunate to have been a part of such a beautiful cultural experience.  

This was the first of many wedding parties that I attended with my dear Emirati friends.
    





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